Controlling Behavior, Power and Abuse within Intimate Relationships

Do you feel safe in your intimate relationship? Does your partner frighten you, or threaten you? Oftentimes abuse is talked about in terms of physical violence, but it can take several other forms, all linked to power and control. You will find these behaviors generally occur at the same time, not in isolation from each other.

If you are currently in an abusive relationship, it is important to tap into your support network. Where is a safe place for you to go when you need a break? Who do you trust to talk to? Having a social outlet can provide you a reprieve from the abuse. During this time, please show yourself kindness and grace. You have every right to feel the way you do. Remember it is the abuser’s goal to weaken your sense of self-worth, dignity, and identity. If you are experiencing any of the forms of abuse listed below, it may be time for you to reach out for help. You do not have to go through this alone.

Intimidation
An abuser may threaten to hurt themselves or their partner, may destroy partner’s cherished personal property, may yell and/or scream, talk down to their partner, and cause fear.

Emotional Abuse
The abuser may call names, humiliate and gaslight with the goal of causing their partner to question their own sanity. The abused will feel bad about themselves and will eventually believe they are the cause of the abuse.

Using male privilege
A male abuser will define gender roles of the household and will make all important decisions. He will demand to be treated like the head of the household and will treat his partner like a servant.

Economic abuse
The abuser will not allow the partner access to money or financial information. The abused may be given an allowance and all purchases scrutinized.

Coercion and threats
The abuser may threaten suicide and/or threaten to harm the partner. The partner may be threatened into participating in illegal activities.

Using the children
An abuser may threaten to take the children away from the other parent and will use the children to relay messages between parents. Oftentimes during visitation, the abuser will harass and threaten the other parent.

LEAVING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS AND LIFE-THREATENING SO PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL GUIDANCE IF YOU ARE MAKING A DECISION TO LEAVE.

Seek comfort from the healthy people in your life. You do not have to go through this alone.